Understanding the process of change Choice Relationships

I have some very exciting news to share with all of you. My book, “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life” has won two awards: one for Best Personal Self-growth Book in 2009 (Walsh Seminars) and Honorary mention in the Self-help category by Readers Views. Not sure it will get me on Oprah but I’m sure you can, of course, imagine how special this is to me. Naturally, I also see this as having meaning as a message from which to learn.

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Putting in Effort

When I meet clients for the initial visit, there are a couple of factors that are really important in order for me to feel our work together can be successful. The first is whether they are presenting an issue that I have experience with and that I know how to assist with. The other is if we connect — research indicates that the relationship between you and your therapist is very important for the outcome of the process.

But – then there’s one more crucial factor. Is the person willing to put in the work necessary to make changes? As I often tell people as an analogy, I can take you to a gym with lots of equipment and show you how to use the machines, but unless you get on the machines and work them, you won’t see results.

The same is true in your relationships — in your partnerships, with your friends, with your family members, in your work situations. If you want things to change, you have to work at it. And – you may not see results right away. Just like writing my book, you plug away giving it your all, but it may take some time before you get results that are truly validating of all you have put into it.

Choice Tips

If you want a situation to change, you have to be the one to make the change. Though you can’t expect someone else to change, chances are that when you act differently, they will respond differently (Action = Reaction).
When people make efforts to do things differently, they like to know that their efforts have been noticed. If your partner is trying to do something differently, let him or her know you’ve noticed.

If you’re involved with someone who’s willing to make a change in order for things to be better, don’t expect that it will change over night. Respond positively to the small differences that are made along the way.

If there’s a setback, it doesn’t mean you’ve gone back to square one. Be willing to see it as just that – a setback. Change is not a constantly forward process; rather it’s an upward spiral (it moves up and then slips down a bit).
If you are the one attempting to make changes or start something new, set realistic expectations for yourself. When you have a setback or get stuck, be kind to yourself instead of being self-critical. Making blaming statements will only impede your process and it’s likely you’ve heard enough of them growing up.

If you’re starting to do something different and get caught in fear, remind yourself of other times you did something you were afraid of and it went well.

If you make mistakes along the way, these are opportunities for growth as long as you are willing to look at what happened and learn from them.

Additional Resources I Recommend

There are many quotes I’ve been keeping. I would like to share several of them with you now because they’re pertinent to the theme of this newsletter:

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”

Carl Bard

“You must accept that you might fail; then, if you do your best and still don’t win, at least you can be satisfied that you’ve tried. If you don’t accept failure as a possibility, you don’t set high goals, you don’t branch out, you don’t try – you don’t take the risk.”

Rosalyn Carter

Failure is a temporary condition for the winner and we all have a winner inside of us. You need to push yourself and grow, or you will stagnate and live an empty and shallow life. Humans are truly happiest when engaged in the pursuit of worthy and challenging goals. Everyone who is rich, famous, successful and happy has gone through failure on their way to success. You can too! If you aren’t failing (and often) then you aren’t pushing yourself.

“No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.”

Barbara De Angelis

I also suggest – If you want to see a delightful film that really speaks to the idea of putting forth effort and the joy it can bring you, I suggest watching “Young at Heart.”

Empowering Tools and Information

As I’m sure you read in the emails I sent you, I was offering a teleseminar, “Psychological Bailout.” I want you to know that it was tremendously received by those who participated. I know you’ve all heard enough doom and gloom about our present economic situation. That’s why in this 45-minute teleseminar I packed in a huge amount of concrete information and tools that were helpful and positive! The special deal I offered for that call is over. But, again, because you are loyal readers of mine, for the next week I will offer this MP3 download of this call for the discounted rate of $12.95. After this week, the product will be on sale for $19.95. Click here to Purchase! Please Note: In order to take advantage of the special $12.95 offer, you will have to enter “BAILOUT” in the Coupon Code at checkout.


For Ladies Only: Watch for an e-mail coming your way for a very special offer I’m going to make to you. And for the Guys: If there’s a special lady you’re involved with, you’ll want to open the email and forward it to her. This is something that I know will change your relationship around!